Turning Back Time
by a.s.h.l.i.u
Summary: She will do anything to get him back. After his painful death, she goes back to the beginning to fix all...
1. The Narration

**Chapter 1: The Narration **

**May I warn you that if you are an impatient reader for narrations, you might as well skip this chapter and get on with your life, though you run the risk of not understanding the story better.**

_Mistakes have been done in the past. Mistakes are being done as we speak. Mistakes are to be done in the future. And I think we are all agreed that mistakes leave a rather deep scarring and a blueprint for the future. One solution can point to the undoing of these mistakes: TURN BACK TIME.._

_I am Mikan Sakura. This is my mistake. This is my journey thorugh realms of the mind to the past. This is my story._

**It was the 10th of June. I was 10.**

It was 45 minutes past 11. I left the room looking for a worldly diagnosis of a weird something in my chest I have long since felt. Well, okay. I may be overreacting, but DUH! It was nine days ago! That's long enough for me!

It started when I met this lordly boy. He thought he was superior over all living creatures on earth! He was dominating, arrogant, and worse, PERVERTED! He had beautiful crimson eyes that were so ironically cold, raven-black hair that fell gracefully to his ears, and he was holding an uncomfortable black mask. He was disturbing beyond all reason. Well, anyway...

It was an EMBARRASSING way of meeting...he pulled down my skirt, for Pete's sake!..or..well..maybe...it fell down?.WAAH! never mind!

But then there was this blonde, blue-eyed boy. He might have been gay, judging by the fact that he was holding a white rabbit and flushed,no wait, BLUSHED when he saw me, though that impression withered out so quickly as he gave me a death glare. Whoa! Turn off!

Well, you all know the score. You've certainly followed my story most carefully. A series of events led me to discover that the weird feeling in my chest was actually something spelled with an L, and O, a V, and...uhm..an E, I think. Sorry, I'm not that good in speling, I mean Spelling. grins

Six more years have passed. I thought I was loving alone. At least I did until the 3rd of July, when Natsume professed. Well, I forced him to. You can't tell me I'm still dense after six years of tireless saving-me events!Even **I** am not that...um...stupid. ("Well, what a big surprise," says Hotaru.)But I was scared. Scared of losing Natsume.

I also found out that I had 2 more alices. Both extremely rare and fatal. They were the Barrier and the Healing alice. And as a result, I was forced to be moved to the Dangerous Abilities class. Narumi-sensei, and even Jinno-sensei fought so hard against academy higher-ups, trying to establish that I remain in the Special Abilities class. They both failed rather dismally. And this is where the mistakes begin. My narration ends here.

**hi! this is ash, that's my name**

**this fanfic was a product of my boredom**

**and hopefully will pacify you**

**during YOUR boredom periods.**

**tell me if you like it, cause if you don't then i'll terminate it.**

**there would be no use creating a story if none of you would like it**

**would there?**

**but hey,**

**reviews will be much appreciated!**

**love y'all!**


	2. Six Years Later

**CHAPTER 2: Six Years Later**

_**15the December, I was 16**_

"Natsume, where are you going?" I asked him. It was way past midnight and he was holding his cat mask. Where on earth could he be possibly headed for? I was having bad feelings about it since then.

"I'm off somewhere. Don't follow me," he said. He was quiet as a prowling cat, yet his voice reverberated through the cold, dark, and damp winter's night. My eyes were slowly starting to fill with hot tears, and I cried. I talked some sense into Natsume, or well, at least I tried.

"You know, Natsume, I could be of assistance to you. I mean--I could come with you..help you..and...and..heal--"

"No Mikan!"screamed Natsume, a faint trace of fear in his voice, "You know what your alice does! You know you have a different variety of that! You know it's dangerous! Practically FATAL!"

"Don't you think I know that risk myself?!" I retorted. _'You are being a complete idiot and I hope you know that!'_. "But what do I care that pare of the string that keeps me alive is being cut off with every second that I use my alice if I was using it on _YOU_? healing you? Saving _YOU_?"

A strained silence, then...

"I can't allow that. And Polka, Stop crying," he said quietly. He put on his mask and left.

I stood there. Under our Sakura tree. Thinking hard. I was spaced out, and I didn't notice Ruka walking towards me. Although he was still the same young boy I met six years ago, he was still quite handsome, perhaps even more.

_'Darn you, Mikan! NATSUME??DUH!'_

"Mikan? Are you alright?" asked the young charmer, still holding his white "wabbit."

"Oh...I'm so sorry, Ruka...I'm just...preoccupied..."I said, allowing my voice to trail off.

"Relax. He's gonna be fine. You've seen him do this at least a THOUSAND times before," he said with his calming voice.

"But...but.."I said feebly.

"No Buts. You know--"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" I cut in, "This time! Tonight! What I feel about him leaving! It's all different!"

A long span of crickets humming and owls cooing and wolves howling greeted the end of my sentence. Then Ruka spoke...

"Mikan, remember the time you and Natsume got trapped inside the horror house six years ago? Didn't you say something bad was gonna happen? And the worst that happened was you got stuck with your mortal enemy! At least, who you THOUGHT was your mortal enemy."

"Ruka, that was six years ago and I was feeling helpless moving there with only a FIRE CASTER who consistently burns my underwear and if not MY PONY TAIL!" I said heatedly.

"Hey! No need to get all huffy!" said Ruka. "Still remember the time when you found him in his room, swimming in his own blood?"

"Uh, Ruka-pyon, I don't think this is the right time to remind me of Natsume's misfits," I said. Ruka blushed. I think it was, what? 2 years since I stopped calling him that nickie...nickname I mean.

"No, no,no! you've got the wrong end of the string, Mikan!" said Ruka, obviously trying to correct his mistake, "What I'm saying is that he's relieved when he sees you, most especially when he's sick or injured."

"Oh, Ruka," I said exasperatedly, obviously I was ticked off. Duh! Who wouldn't be? "That's because I have the _healing_ Alice, REMEMBER?"

"Mikan, if you lived by the number of times you healed Natsume," said Ruka, "or rather by the number of times Natsume has had his misfits and you healed him, you'd probably be dead by now.

I turned my head to Ruka so fast that I cricked my neck.

"What--I don't--eh?"

But Ruka was looking at me in a most unusual way...How he looked at me...Was it love? pity? concern?

"Your presence takes Natsume out of his present darkness," said Ruka. "It's your mere presence that heals him, and not your Alice."

But then, my idiotic side took over.

"You--you mean...LOVE is another one of my alices?" I asked, pointing to my 'innocent' face.

"Oh, Mikan," said Ruka, giving up on the explanation, "Let's just get you to your room."

And as he stood up and offered his hand to me, I looked back, and whether it was a mere figment of my imagination or it was a reality, I saw the outline of my favorite black cat, and a sliver of a smile dawned upon my face.

"You'll be safe," I mouthed.

The outline nodded. Geez! What an eyesight!

And the strange outline left.

* * *

**okay! that was one nasty chapter! geez!**

**thanks for the first two reviewers.**

**i think i've personally thanked them.**

**keep on! keep up!**


	3. The Dream And Being Sweet!

**CHAPTER 3: The Dream-And Being Sweet!  
**

* * *

It was the most horrible night of my entire life. Images of demons and deaths haunted my peaceful, usually howalon-filled dreams. But nothing compared to the one dream that I had that night. It was so real, it was more of a premonition than a dream...

* * *

**_"Natsume!" I screamed. I found him on his bed, inside his bedroom. I followed the screams of agony that was causing the academy's mean temperature to go right up. The moment I noticed it was getting hotter, I knew where to go._**

**_I found him alright. But he was not bleeding. The damage seemed to be from the inside. There was no blood anywhere._**

**_"Mi...kan..." said Natsume feebly. His voice was slowly fading away. I was alarmed._**

**_I tried to heal him, but it was infallible that the pain was not subsiding. Still, I tried harder to heal him, and although I felt that my life was growing ever shorter with every second that I tried to revive him, I cared less._**

**'This is Natsume, Mikan,'_ I tried to remind myself continuously, _'This is Natsume you're saving.'**

**_At last, it seemed to have worked. But after a few minutes, Natsume started breathing so fast, then no more. I tried to heal him. But nothing worked. He was...Natsume was..._**

* * *

"Natsume is NOT DEAD!" I screamed.

"Polka! Polka! Wake up!" said a voice...a very familiar voice...

"No, Natsume! Natsume! NO! NATSUME! DON'T DIE!" I yelled on.

"BAKA! I'm not dead! I'm in front of you! Hey! MIKAN!" screamed Natsume. I woke up the moment I heard my name being called, but then I heard the scuffling of footsteps, and Natsume was gone, only to be replaced by more scuffling, and Natsume appeared with Hotaru.

"Mikan! Mikan wake up!" said a gentle, monotonous voice.

"Hotaru? Natsume! Thank God you're alright!" I said, and, well, I was out of my mind you see, I hugged Natsume and cried.

"Mikan..." said Natsume. He let my long brunette hair fall to his back. Hotaru unbelievably smiled. She mouthed to Natsume,

'Enjoy the moment while you can.'

Natsume nodded, and he hugged back.

**THAT MORNING...**

"Mikan! Congratulations!" was the most common shout to me by everyone, instead of the usual Good Mornings and His.

"I--What? Oh, Thank You, What--" Then I saw Natsume.

"What's going on?" I asked, rather warily.

"Hmp. You don't remember? We're together now," he said, with the shadow of a smile.

"WHAT??" I shouted.

"Last night, when you had the nightmare about me dying, you hugged me," he said while we walked to our classroom, "And that damn bestfriend of yours took a picture and posted it online and in the school bulletin board."

"Don't you damn Hotaru!" I said.

"Hmp," said Natsume. Gosh, what a retort. Always manages to keep my mouth shut.

"Oh...what have I gotten myself into?" I said.

"Well, Deal with it," said Natsume with a smirk. And he left me.

"Mikan!" said Yuu's voice.

"Oh! Hi Yuu...funny, that's almost like Ohayou!" I said.

"Yeah!" said Yuu. "Listen, I wanted to ask you something."

I was expecting it. Seeing as everyone in the school is practically gossiping about it.

"Mikan, are you and Natsume...sort of...together?" said Yuu uncertainly.

"Well, you know, I myself don't know," I said, "but Natsume said we are, so I guess we really are."

"Oh, well that's good," said Yuu, mumbling apparently to himself. But, was I hallucinating again, or was he teary-eyed? Anyway, Yuu left me too.

I had to walk alone towards our room, and on my way there, I met Narumi-sensei.

"Hi, Mikan-chan! You're early today...oh, Congratulations, Mikan!" said Narumi, and he entered the room. So did I.

When I entered the room, I was shocked to see every face staring at me, and Sumire GLARING at me. Whoa! I wasn't used to the attention, and I was even more shocked (and apparently, so was Sumire) when Natsume took my waist and led me to my chair. I thought he was gentlemanly today, but halfway through, he burned my hair.

"And I thought you were actually sincere!" I hissed at him.

Anna and Nonoko were acting kind of weird. They were giggling at my back. I took my mirror, checked my back, and blushed.

Written at the back of my blazer, Obviously in Fire writing, were seven words:

"I LOVE HER. SHE'S MY GIRL. DON'T TOUCH."

Okay. That's eight words. Scratch what I just said. That's it for today!

* * *

**Okay, so I write REALLY SHORT chapters.**

**Promise I'll make it longer somehow.**

**Sorry!**


	4. Overheard

**Chapter 4: Overheard**

* * *

I was shocked but pleased at the same time, what with Natsume professing and my life actually getting more and more topsy-turvy than ever. And that night, I thought I was gonna get a good night's sleep. Well, I THOUGHT.

That night I wasn't able to sleep well. I decided to visit our Sakura tree. I was at the garden's tiny cottage house when I caught a glimpse of the tree. I wasn't surprised to see Natsume there, but I was surprised about was a tall guy in a black trench coat and black mask from his forehead to the tip of his nose. He was wearing a number of odd rings which were uncomfortable, I'm sure.

"Persona-sensei..." I whispered. I hid behind a pillar and I listened in.

"Bad, bad, bad...Why Natsume? Why fall for an idiotic girl like her? She gets in the way, you know. You are supposed to be taking care of the missions I assigned you," said Persona.

"Shut up. You have no business with what or who I love and what I do at school. You have no right to invade my privacy. Let alone MY LIFE!" screamed Natsume, "and DON'T call her an IDIOT!"

"Natsume," I whispered.

And as I whispered, I think I saw Natsume's head tilt towards my direction. He seemed to have heard me or sensed my presence.

"Go away," said Natsume.

"Well, Natsume, you can't just--" said Persona, but Natsume cut him off.

"What do you want?"

"Your service, naturally. In case you want to have an early death," said Persona. My eyes dilated with fear.

"I'll do it. Just leave her ALONE. And in any case that you even TOUCH her, I swear I'll kill you with my own hands," said Natsume venomously.

"Okay, that's a deal," said Persona, and he left.

I ran towards Natsume.

"Don't do it! You could..." I said, but Natsume finished my sentence.

"What? Die? Better me than you."

He looked at me, and deep into his eyes I saw the Natsume that has been trapped inside. I want him out, but he won't let me.

Slowly I touched Natsume's face. I touched his face because I was scared that that moment would be the last time I ever did. And as I caressed the handsome face, his surprisingly soft hands held mine. I could feel the heat emanating from his hands.

"Don't worry about what you've heard. I won't die," said Natsume. But I wasn't assured.

"Natsume, that was the first time I've ever had a dream like that. I'm sure it was no coincidence," I said.

"Mikan, this is ME we're talking about. I can manage," he replied.

"Take care of yourself, please?" I pleaded.

"Well, what if I don't want to?" teased Natsume.

It took me quite a long time to answer.

"Then you would be a complete IDIOT for not doing so, and possibly, I would die, trying to heal you when you get injured. You would also leave a lot of people who consider you friends, although you may not consider them yours, and if you're not gonna do it for yourself, at least do it for me," I said very fast.

And, quite unexpectedly, he kissed me.

And when he let go of me, he slowly said...

"Listen. I am not an idiot like you," and I smiled, "and I will not allow myself to be the reason that the only girl who's ever managed to change me DIES. I can't allow that. If I was gonna die, I'd make sure I'll be a good 200 miles away from you."

"Natsume!"

And one of the rarest smiles appeared on Natsume's face. And I fell asleep in the arms of the one I love.

'Hmp. Idiot. Came here to drool on me.' thought Natsume.

* * *

**The Next Morning..**

I woke up, alright. My eyes were shut tight, and I was feeling my way to the end of the bed. Instead, I felt a body...a human body...and when I opened my eyes...

"Hotaru?"

"Mikan, you're awake," said Hotaru in her sleepy, monotonous voice.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Taking care of you," replied the sleepy girl.

"Why?"

"Don't you remember? Oh, well, you probably don't," said Hotaru, getting up, "You slept in Hyuuga's arms and he felt your forehead and you were freakin' hot."

"Oh, well, Hotaru, no need to praise my body like that--" I replied shyly.

**Baka!Baka!Baka!**

"Idiot. What with you eating like a pig? Who would call you hot? I meant your temperature!" said Hotaru.

"Oh, well, sorry! No need to hit me that hard!" I said, while rubbing the part of my head that was hit by the baka gun.

"I figured that would help you get out of bed, get dressed, we're gonna be late," said Hotaru.

"Well, wait..." I said, checking the time. I was shocked. "HOTARU! It's 4 in the morning! You call this LATE??"

"Welcome to my life. Oh, I forgot to mention, YOU'RE IN HYUUGA'S ROOM," said Hotaru with a sly smile.

"WHAAAT??"

* * *

That morning, I was looking for a trace of Natsume, but apparently, he was nowhere to be seen. I asked Ruka if he's seen Natsume, he replied no. And I;ve searched every corner of the schoola dn the grounds, even OUR Sakura tree, and yet he wasn't there. And then came a deafening cry...

"MIKAN!"

My head turned towards the Dormitory Windows. It was coming from Natsume's window. I went up as fast as I could, and what I saw nearly made my heart fail...

"No...no...it was...just...it was just a...NO!" and I fell to Natsume's side.

* * *

**Sorry for the lousy chapter guys, **

**I've been meaning to ask you, **

**Do you like an HxR pairing?**

**Just wondering**


	5. The Beginning of the End

**Chapter 5: The Beginning of the End**

* * *

**WAAH!! SORRY FOR THE REALLY REALLY LONG UPDATE!!**

**I was busy with my other fanfic, Well What If I Can, you know...**

**I AM REALLY SORRY!!**

* * *

"No, Natsume," I moaned softly. Natsume was bleeding severely. I was literally swimming in Natsume's blood.

"Mi...kan..." mumbled Natsume. He reached for my hand and out it where his heart should have been. I could the steady pumping of blood coursing through his chest.

'_And I won't let it stop,' _I thought.

And I could also feel the steady gush of blood rushing from every injury Natsume's had.

'That _I will stop,_' I mumbled.

"Natsume..."

Natsume's grip was suddenly slackened, and he passed out for a few minutes, though it felt much longer to me. And for the few minutes that I lost the love of my life, I relapsed once more into the silence of the murky swamps of memory.

* * *

**.o.O.FLASHBACK.O.o.**

_"Mikan!" Anna was running towards me. _

_I was running towards Natsume's dormitory room, and on the way, I met Anna, Nonoko, and Yuu. And trailing behind them was Hotaru and Ruka, Koko, and Mochu._

_"Mi...kan...Nat...su...me...is..." panted Nonoko, clutching a stitch in her chest, "blee..ding..." Her eyes were full of fear, and so was mine, if not even greater._

_"Mikan! You need to come fast!" yelled Ruka. Even Usagi was tensed. His ears were all drooped and his eyes were alert. (**whoa! nice rabbit!**)_

_Hotaru conjured her duck scooter from nowhere and allowed me to ride on it. It was a mark of the seriousness of the situation that Hotaru did not make me pay for riding her scooter. (**Half of the money I owe was due to me riding that scooter, and usually, it's at least 1600 rabts. per ride!**) And we rushed to Natsume's room._

_We arrived a little too late. Natsume was heaving and between great gasps, he screams with pain. Blood was pouring from every opening in his body. I was  
_

_"It was a bombarding alice," said Hotaru. Even her cold voice had the most obvious trace of fear and concern. "He was bombarded by bullet attacks from the outside, the bullets pierced inside his body and the bullets were pulled magnetically by another alice, causing an opening in his whole body. He's become a target shooting practice board."_

_"Natsume..." I whispered. I feel his pain. Every inch of it, but I know he feels MY pain even more._

_I kept reviving him, I kept healing him, and I was using my powers to its extent. I could feel my body giving in, but I did not allow it. I kept on healing him, as flashes of blinding white light continued to batter Hotaru, Ann, Nonoko, Ruka, Mochu, and Yuu's eyes. I myself was half blind, but I could care less._

_"Don't give up Mikan," I said to myself over and over again. "Don't give up. You can do this, girl."_

**.o.O.End of Flashback.O.o**

* * *

"Mikan, just stay here, please," whispered Natsume. My head was already feeling dizzy and my eyes were starting to droop. But I fought on.

'_For Natsume,_' I thought.

And as I desperately tried to heal Natsume and failed, tears started pouring from my face.

"Natsume, please!"

For the third time I failed. And as I was preparing to start again, a pair of soft hands caressed mine.

"No Mikan. It's over. I'll die," said Natsume.

"No, Natsume! I won't let you!" and I fought so hard aginst him. And even though he was nearly dying, he seemed to focus all his efforts in his tight grip of my arms, and when I finally surrendered, he turned to my friends. His friends.

He closed his eyes and said,

"Imai-san, Ruka, take care of her."

Ruka was crying and he nodded. Hotaru was lost for words and only turned to Ruka's shoulder. Ruka embraced her.

"Yuu, I already know. I've always known," whispered Natsume, turning to Yuu, who was the most silent so far.

"I know," said Yuu. His head was down and he said those words silently.

"Don't you hurt her," said Natsume, managing to curl his fists in to a ball of fire. I nullified that. I won't take any chances. "Coz even your worst illusions won't compare to me."

I didn't get what Natsume said then. And finally, he rounded on me and touched my face.

"Take care. I love you, don't you ever forget that. I always will," said Natsume. "Be careful, Polka. Goodbye, Mikan."

"NO! NATSUME!"

A shudder, and Natsume's hand fell limp. And just as suddenly, my body gave in. Everything went black, and image after image of me and Natsume, the happy times, the sad, even the craziest ones, flashed before my very eyes. And before I knew it, all was dark and damp and still.

Only one thing was left in my heart: GRIEF.

'_Natsume is dead. Natsume is gone. It's all over,_' I thought. And I allowed myself to leave the sorrow and surrender to pain.

* * *

**GUYS! I AM NOW CRYING!**

**I found it hard to write this chapter...**


	6. The Funeral

**Chapter 6: The Funeral**

**.O.o.O.O.o.O.**

**I'm back. Yes, people, I am so back. Prepare for another tear-jerky chapter. You can curse me if you want. I'm cursing myself right now. :'(**

**.O.o.O.O.o.O.**

**.O.o.O.O.o.O.**

**I woke up,** lifting my head only to see myself clad in a white hospital gown. I looked around my surroundings and saw that I was in the gakuen infirmary. I held my head for a second and closed my eyes until a realization suddenly hit me.

"NATSUME."

My eyes flew open in terror as I quickly scrambled out of my bed. To my dismay, I found that my legs were hurting only too terribly for me to run, so I forced myself to walk instead before I thought of my healing alice. I concentrated on all my body injuries but found myself as crippled as before. I noticed a black bracelet around my left wrist and immediately recognized it to be an alice degenerator, which practically meant my alice level was so low to be of any use. I fruitlessly attempted to prize it off my skin but to no avail. Trust Hotaru to leave no hole unpatched.

Despite my current situation, I still forced myself to walk, dragging my legs across the room towards the door. Natsume's room isn't that far. I had to move.

I reached the door only to find it opening of its own accord. A second later I saw that people were behind it, all looking at me with somber eyes and sallow faces. They entered the room and took my arms, bringing me back to my bed. I struggled hard to break free from their grips, but it was all too hard and I knew all my efforts were futile. And so I let myself get dragged back to my bed feeling hopeless and desperate and mad and vengeful and...lonely...in grief...in denial.

The tension between us all, between the nine of us was too thick that I decided to break it by speaking. Given my way, since the tension was too thick, I'd have sliced it with a knife.

"It's over, isn't it?"

I wasn't really asking, I was more of _stating_ a known fact. All six heads that were bowed in silence slowly looked up at me.

Koko, Mochu, Anna, Kitsuneme, Permy, Nonoko, and Hotaru were all remarkable sights. I appreciated them not breaking down in front of me. I loved them all too much, and I was consider it as something in return when they are keeping a strong facade in front of me. Although I did say all _six _heads looked up. One particularly blonde head barely even noticed that I was speaking. I knew of his pain, and although I loved Natsume, I know my pain can never compare to his pain. He lost his brother, his bestfriend, almost like his family in the academy before I came.

I gingerly climbed out of my bed and approached the blonde who was sitting next to the window. He was too spaced out, and as I placed a soft hand on his non-moving shoulders, he turned around and looked at me with pained eyes. The eyes were a sad shade of blue, a different shade than what I was accustomed to back then.

"Ruka-pyon," I painstankingly said.

He looked at me this time with watery eyes. I felt his pain, and as if in a flash of lght, he was sobbing on my shoulders uncontrollably. Anna, who was unable to control herself any longer, ran out of the room, only to be followed by Koko, who was also tearing up. Permy stayed with me in the room and hugged me and Ruka-pyon, and Nonoko, Kitsu, and Mochu all ran over to us to share with the burden of grief. I noticed Hotaru, who was staring balnkly into space outside my window, only to find out that I was mistaken. She wasn't spacing out; she was looking a something outside the window that made tears suddenly come dripping out of her eyes.

I approached her and as I did so, I didn't notice the singularly significant fact that I was the only one who wasn't crying. I hugged Hotaru and looked out the window only to find myself at a loss for words as my heart skipped a beat and my breath started to shorten. I forgot who I was, what I do, where I am, and I forgot how to breathe when I saw that a hole was now being dug up from under the ground. I saw the students not wearing the usual uniform, but they were all clad in black dresses and suits. This was the required uniform as of now. The teachers were beside the hole, and I saw Persona. Persona. The beast who caused all these things. The one who caused his death. And the tears of sadness welling in my eyes abruptly turned into tears of anger and loathing. To my immediate notice, Persona was _smiling_. And I loathed him even deeper that if ever there was a word much more deep, stronger than loathing, I would really buy it.

And that was when reality hit me. Natsume was dead. Dead. DEAD.

I suddenly let go of Hotaru and my arms dropped to my sides. My head bowed down as my hair hung lank around my hidden face. I heard their sobs and Hotaru's light sniff. I clenched my fists and broke down in an angry storm of tears, muttering incoherent words. Natsume was dead. That was the only thing in my mind right now.

I felt soft hand wrap itself around my waist, and a cool voice whisper in my ear, "Let it all out."

With these words I dropped to the floor of my hospital room, crying, despair filling my heart as my eyes released all the tears I was so ardently fighting. I felt the same arms hug me once more, and I broke to an even louder cry, as I slowly felt more hands hugging me. I was shaking uncontrollably, and my eyes were burning with a yearning to rip my heart out of its cage to stop all my pain, and for a wild moment, I actually thought, maybe, if my heart stops beating, it won't hurt this much. But then his face came flashing in view. I won't let him die in vain. No. Not ever.

**.O.o.O.O.o.O.**

**Friday. Natsume's Funeral**

**.O.o.O.O.o.O.**

**I sat under our tree, the snow falling down piece by piece.** Our Sakura tree, as a fresh river of memories came into view again. Every tiny little thing that had to do with him. It hurts, but surprisingly, no tears fell from my eyes anymore. There were no more tears to cry now, I guess.

I sat under the tree for another forty-five minutes. I was resting my soul, synchronizing my mind, numbing myself to the pain, until I heard the bell. The bell that signaled the formal farewell.

**.O.o.O.O.o.O.**

**"Ladies and Gentlemen,"** started the academy resident officiator, "Today we are gathered around this garden to recollect past memories and to say farewell to a dear child, friend, and student."

I snorted in disbelief, rolling my eyes in the process, loud enough to be heard by all. I muttered, "You don't know half of who ar what he really is."

The officiator looked at me, stunned at my sudden interruption. He merely said to me to come infront and say a few words. It took me aback, but I knew I had to do it. But I won't cry. Hell, I won't. I'll stay strong.

"He died, thinking of nothing but the safety of all the students whose lives are now resting within the academy's palms. He was being selfless, despite the fact that he was feared for his cold demeanor. He is not a dear child, he was a prodigy. He was not a friend, but a lifetime companion. And he wasn't just a student. He was an exceptional pupil who learned from everyone's mistakes. He's not just a person. He's a legacy."

I stepped down the platform, and as the officiator took stand again, I was no longer able to hold back the tears. I left the crowd and went to my only sanctuary. And from the tree's branches, I looked at afar and saw a snow-white coffin being buried deep beneath the cold earth's surface.I waved goodbye, and from my lips came words that I was unable to say to him before he died.

"Goodbye, I love you, Natsume."

And I could've sworn that from the cold winter breeze that blew steadily, I heard him whisper, "I love you too."

That was when I changed my mind. I'm bringing him back.

**.O.o.O.O.o.O..O.o.O.O.o.O.**

**GUYS!**

**I hope you're not mad at me for the extremely long absence. **

**Ne, I'd make it up to you in the next chappies. Promise.**

**I'm really sorry. I was sick.**

**And to add to that, I'm crying right now, all because of the dratted chapter that was so sad.**

**:'(**

**Stay with me, guys, because Mikan is about to start her journey.**

**.O.o.O.O.o.O..O.o.O.O.o.O.**


	7. Finding Noda

**Chapter 7: Finding Noda**

TO ALL: APOLOGIES. The next chapters have been extremely long, and therein lies the reason for my long absence. Of course, school work counts as well. :)

**:-:_:-:**

**I was exhausted after the funeral. **I kept to myself at the Sakura tree and talked to no one the whole day as I cried my eyes out. Nonetheless, I still found enough strength to clamber into my cold bed and closed my heavy eyes. As I did so, tears welled up again as I felt the cold winter air biting my skin. I remembered his warmth, his fire...I remembered everything about him. But I was tired already. Tired of crying, of grief. I knew I had to start smiling once more. Not to brag, but I know that in these times, I was the only one they all depended on. My smile could bring them strength. Maybe. I'll try.

And with this thought, sleep finally came over me.

**:-:_:-:**

**I woke up in a room that was pure white,** and around me were dozens of red roses. I was laying down a white round bed and as I fully opened my eyes, me senses suddenly perked up. The room smelled of roses, of course as it should, and...wait...no...it can't be..._Natsume?_

I woke myself up to reality. I tried to reason with myself that Natsume is dead, _But miracles happen! _Fought back my heart. _No, miracles can NOT resurrect people, _my brain reasoned out_. _But my heart still detested my brain's logical explanation. Although I knew it was wrong, my heart was really hoping for a miracle. I rose from my bed and kept myself busy at running my hands over the walls, feeling for some door that would lead to an exit for me to get away from this hell hole that's playing with my feelings of grief, until...

"Awed to shock, Polka? Don't run away, idiot."

I froze at the sound of the voice and upon hearing the nicknames. _First, the smell and now, this? Gosh, Mikan! you're going crazy!_

"Why so silent?"

I couldn't bring myself to turn around and see who exactly was talking. I just put my hand on the walls and tried to keep my poise.

"Mikan."

And by golly, now it's calling out my name!

"Mikan!"

"What?!" I finally screamed back, still not facing the direction from which the voice came from.

"Geesh! No need to shout like that!"

Finally, I gave in to my heart's plead. Upon seeing him, I nearly fainted as my knees gave way. I would've hit the ground had it not been for him.

I shook my head once, twice, thrice, just to make sure I was seeing the right man.

"Youjo, you are not hallucinating, baka," he said.

"I'm only dreaming, I'm only dreaming..." I said to myself faintly.

"MIKAN! For the last time, YOU ARE NOT DREAMING!" he said.

"Prove it," I said, looking straight into the hypnotizing crimson eyes.

I watched as the eyes grew softer with passion, and I felt a pair of soft lips crash into mine. I gave in, feeling the warmth that emanated from his breath as his hands made their way to my waist and my hands were playing at his soft raven locks. It was a burning sensation inside of me, but somehow, inexplicably, a part of me still had a gaping hole that wasn't filled in by the kiss.

He broke the kiss, looking deeply into my eyes. I finally realized that it was neither reality nor was it a dream. I allowed myself to finally relapse once more into his kisses until he suddenly said a few words that made my eyes widen in realization as an idea flew to my head at his words.

"If only I could turn back time..."

**:-:_:-:Normal Point of View:-:_:-:**

**"Mikan! Mikan!" **Ruka yelled, shaking Mikan violently. Mikan wasspitting as odd gasps for breath came in between her splutters. Ruka was trying to pry her eyes open, but it was shut tightly. Hotaru went out the door to call her brother, as Anna and Nonoko cried silently at the sofa. They were in Mikan's room, which was not that far away from Ruka's and Hotaru's room. Ruka kept on trying to wake Mikan up.

**:-:_:-:Ruka's Point of View:-:_:-:**

**I was looking out the window of his room when I decided to go walk for a while**, the wound in my heart from Natsume's death still open and bleeding. I grabbed my night gown and left the room.

The corridor that led to my room, which was the Special Stars' Corridor, only had three doors to it: mine, Mikan's and...Natsume's. Mikan specifically asked to be placed near Natsume's room to keep track of his missions. Mikan's door had a plaque that said "Mikan-chan" and Natsume's door read "Keep out". I laughed inwardly at the huge difference between the two, but as I passed Mikan's door, I heard loud moans, sobs, gasps, and thuds. My heart started to beat loudly against its cage...horrendous thoughts invaded my brain as the thought of Natsume dead crossed my mind's eye and a strong feeling of fear and worry came like a pang to me. I've lost Natsume, and Mikan was there, inside, acting all strange. I had to come in. I can't afford to lose anyone else...let alone lose Mikan.

I entered the room with a flourish and saw Mikan thrashing about her carpet. She had fallen off the bed, and was now mumbling incoherent words as she spluttered odd gasps for breath. My eyes grew wide in terror and my instinct kicked in. Running out of the room, I went to Hotaru's bedroom two hallways away.

I knocked persistently against her oak doors, not caring about the others next door. My persistent knocking, however, was stopped by a most unpleasant sight that made me gulp. There was the mighty inventor, hair messy, in her thigh-long satin night gown, looking at me with cold eyes that were, ironically enough, ablaze with fury. I ignored the fact that I'll be having hell to pay later and immediately told her about Mikan. Her eyes, her cold, droopy eyes, widened in fear and shock that for the first time, I saw her as a true human.

We ran towards her room with large elephantine steps, but we took no notice. We entered her room just as burglars would, and found her immobile, a crumpled heap on the floor. My mind blacked out as only one thought managed to squeeze its way to my brain: she was dead as well.

I felt Hotaru run past me and I saw her kneeling beside Mikan, shaking her vigorously. I ran over to her side and tried to keep her calm but for once her face showed distress. She couldn't even look at me with her teary eyes. All I heard her say was, "No..not Mikan, please...not her..." And she ran out of the room to call her brother as Anna and Nonoko came barging in as well upon hearing our footsteps. I have never experienced such a feeling of fear...

**:-:_:-:**

**I was barely breathing when I saw Hotaru and Ruka and Anna and Nonoko looking at me. **I raised my eyes and saw Subaru-san, Hotaru's brother, holding my head, his hadns glowing a fiery red. _Red, _I thought. _His favorite color..._

Just at that moment I remembered something from what he said in my dream...

_"If only I could turn back time..."_

My eyes widened for the second time that night...I knew what I had to do. This morning, I'll look for him...

If I even find him...

The thing is...

He was with Natsume the night before he died...

Oh, where to begin?

**:-:_:-:**

**That night I packed my things. **Then, writing three separate letters, one to Hotaru, one to Ruka, and one for Narumi-sensei, I left. I asked Persona, yes, I've had enough courage to ask him, of the whereabouts of the man I was looking for. He gave me the details of Natsume's last - death - mission. It was at Osaka.

I flew all the way to Osaka using a Class A's flying alice I stole the night before. It took what felt like ages to me, but I knew I was up in the air for less that an hour...what with the speed of which I'm flying...

I reached a forest somewhere south of Osaka's central town. I landed gently at a small clearing at the path of the forest. From there I saw teenagers and adults and even old people alike having a make-out session...it was a filthy sight...I wanted to get away as soon as possible. (**a.n.:i am not denouncing Osaka. This is a mere figment of my inagination.**) I stepped off the forest clearing and onto a winding road of trees and animals snagging at me, twisting off towards a patr of the forest where trees were so dense you could barely see the night sky...I kept walking for nearly an hour, searching, keeping my eyes peeled for a small hut...protected by a burning fire...

_I fire which would have probably extinguished by now..._ I mused painfully. Thoughts of him and his death immediately invaded my mind, but I tried hard to shake it off.

I came to think about the man I was searching for. Now that I came to think about it, he was barely of any help back at the academy...he was constantly careening into space and time and would usually fade away like a hologram at moments when you need him the most. He was barely there when her Special Abilities class needed him, but I knew he tried...just not hard enough.

I suddenly thought of how I missed his mocha-blonde hair and how he would smiles goofily at us during classes...

As I kept thinking of him, I saw ahead a small light...Then as I crept nearer and nearer, I saw a hut...and I was right. The fire wall protecting it was now extinguished and in the ground were the scorchmarks, proof that a fire was present before...

I finally came to a small clearing free from trees and snaggy bushes. I approached the door warily, eyeing everything around me. I then gave a small knock to announce my presence, and when nobody answered, I knocked even louder.

It was the that I realized that coming from inside was a whimpering, short of a shaking voice trying to shout out "Who's there?" but eventually finding nothing in his voice box. I looked at the window and to my immense shock, I saw him there...lying on the floor, curled up, hugging his knees tightly to his chest, eyes shut, shaking from head to toe. I pitied him, but there was no way to get inside...

_Except..._

I stood back, and concentrating all my effort on the door infront of me, I gave a deep tug at my stomach...

**FWOOM!**

The door was set on fire. It was his alice..._I used his alice..._

The whimpering became even louder now, but still, no words came...

I entered the room, and hitching a big smile on my face, I approached him, and when I was infront of him, he opened his eyes slowly. His brown orbs widened in shock...

"Mikan-chan?"

I smiled a weary smile.

**:-:_:-:**

**"Ruka...Ruka..." **said a cold voice. The latter awoke with a start.

"Hmm? Wha - Wuz happnd?" he said, clearly sleepy still. The person in front of him raised a letter. He couldn't read it properly but after a few moments, he saw what it was. And he knew the handwriting...

Caught in a frenzy of curiosity and fear and nervousness, he open the letter and began to read.

"_Dear Ruka-pyon,_

_I may have been long gone after you have read this, but I ask of you not to worry. Merely pray for me that my journey be a safe one. I shall explain to you in due time...I have already prepared it..._

_I'm sorry to have left on such a short notice. I promise, I'll be back..._

_I'll be back with him._

_Love,_

_Mikan."_

Before he knew it, he was gaping at her letter, with tears silently forming in his eyes.

**:-:_:-:**

**I was awed at her courage, ** but I just didn' get the last part...What was that all about? I mean, she'll be back with him? I didn't get her...Him who?

Natsume?

Impossible!..But then.._Nothing was ever impossible with Mikan._

I heard a hearty sniff from beside me and saw amethyst orbs shining with tears. Her eyes were filled with worry and fear and doubt and...sadness. I couldn't blame her. But then suddenly, out of nowhere, I had the courage to get near her...

In the spur of the moment, I hugged her...and perhaps even more out of fear, I did something I never thought I would actually do...

I kissed her.

**:-:_:-:**

**"Mikan-chan?" **said a voice I haven't heard for nearly a month. I gave a slight nod of my head to indicate that he was right.

He looked at me with eyes that shone as bright as the sun after months and months of rain...Slowly, he stood up and came face to face with me. He caressed my face like that of a father, and he said in a ghostly whisper,

"Mikan...thank you..."

I smiled, for the first time, a genuine smile.

"Noda-sensei..."

**:-:_:-:**

**SORRY FOR THE LONG UPDATE.**


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